The Best Laid Plans…

Ok, so I’d like to say that my plans for road tripping to Texas were as solid as a rock and laid out months in advance, but they weren’t. I knew I wanted to go, but I had only nailed down dates and travel buddies and plans about 3 weeks prior to the day we were supposed to leave.

Let’s just say, things don’t always go the way you think they will. When I’m trying to be obedient to God’s will, I have to be flexible to His will, too.

I am a planner. My dad was a planner. Growing up, when we planned to take a trip, whether it be one state away or half the country away, we started panning more than 6 months in advance. Hotels, how much money in gas, how many bathroom breaks, attractions, food, etc. Honestly, I kind of thrive in planning like this- flying by the seat of my pants is not my strong suit. I forget things, get frazzled easily, and am generally not as fun because I’m so overwhelmed by the disorganization. I know, just a barrel of fun, but this is what works for me.

Now, sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you plan, it’s just not going to come together. Not because of mileage or bathroom breaks, but because of the health of family members, time off for others, personal illness. This week was full of that. On Monday, I started thinking of my trip to Texas. My mom wasn’t going to go, when she usually would, because of the health of her mom. I thought for a while that I would be able to leave when things are so unsure with my grandma’s health, and although some days, things are so out of whack, she doesn’t even know she’s in the world, much less whether I’m there or not, but I’m not a leaver. This is going to sound weird, maybe bad, but when someone is in bad health like that, I run to the hospital, not because of the ill person, but to be support for the one supporting the sick. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll do what I can for the ill one, but the first reason I go is to care of the one caring for them. So, long story not so short, I couldn’t go 1200 miles away from home when my grandma’s sick, I just don’t have it in me. I tried to be selfish for a while and plan to go anyway, but at the end of the day, I just can’t.

Then, Thursday, I woke up with a sore throat and by the evening I was achy and fevered. Flu, round two! I had something similar a couple months ago. It hasn’t been all bad, I got some rest with no guilt. Finished a great book {I love how Shauna Niequist wrote Present Over Perfect}. Cloroxed everything with anticipation that my hubby would be home more this week than he has been in the past 3 months. The weather here was highly unfavorable for leaving and the weather in Texas was highly unfavorable for vacation relaxing.

In the end, deciding not to go is slowly bringing me peace. I was trying to force the trip, when my husband couldn’t go, I made other arrangements, part of that was selfishness on my part, part of it was obeying God’s will {I can’t elaborate on this on the blog right now} When my grandma got sick, I ignored the things I pretended to be trivial. I was so dead set on getting my trip, that I was willing to blow off the things that usually mean so much to me. It’s kind of wild really, it was like I was outside my own head, my priorities weren’t the same, my feelings about the people attached to the priorities were less meaningful. So weird. So, this is what I’m working on this week, getting my head back in MY game.

I love that God isn’t afraid to show me my flaws, but he does it so gracefully and mercifully. I made my word this year ‘self-control’ for lots of reasons, but one word I find feeding into that a lot is selfishness, I’m afraid I was much more selfish than I thought I was. It’ll be a work in progress but God can change a heart, and I’m going to let Him. That means, not taking a trip, at least not now, that I was set on. It means not expecting people to bend to what I want. It means regaining the priorities I hold so near and dear.

Thank you so much for stopping by.


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