The Lord really makes ways.
Lately, I’ve just been feeling so overwhelmed. Okay, this is going to be a lot so hang in there.
I’ve been praying for answers. And some answers are coming, while others are not. I know He’s working it out, I just can’t see it, and that’s okay. I don’t want to need to see it. I just want to trust that it’s working out. I don’t always need to see the plan.
So, as I’ve said before, I felt like starting this blog was put on my heart. About 4 years ago, I had come across a few others blogs. Then, during a remodel of our first house, our pipes froze which put us in a hotel for a few nights. While sitting at the desk in a Comfort Inn I started my first one. Stephanie Griffith Home is actually my fourth site. More on that later though, I’m going to write a post about starting a blog. Since I started this one, things have taken off. It’s definitely not a get rich quick deal if that’s what you’re thinking, but I’ve had more happen since starting this one. Even with the successes that I’ve had, I have days where I just want to quit. That’s right. I just want to say forget it! I’m not doing it. I’m not photographing everything in the right light of day. I’m not editing, cropping and uploading. I’m not drafting, editing and publishing posts. I’m not doing home improvement projects and crafts constantly. It gets to be too much. Especially once you add in all the social media. But it’s all necessary. It’s all part of it. And Every. Single. Time. I try to quit, God sends someone to tell me to keep pushing forward. So I do.
There are days, I can’t get off Pinterest and Instagram. I hope you all don’t struggle with this, but comparison is my biggest demon. I start looking and wishing and hoping and degrading. None of mine looks that good. My house isn’t perfectly decorated. It’s not even clean most of the time, I just hide it well. But I feel consumed by trying to be that person. I want to have a spotless home, be the perfect hostess, do all the projects, post to my blog every day, and be involved in all family and community events. Even typing that stresses and exhausts me. And if someone else sent me these words, I’d say
“Oh girl, just stop. That’s too much for one person. Relax. Do what you can and let the rest go and find ways to not feel bad about it”.
It helps to write things out. Do you do that? I see how ridiculous all this sounds now.
Friends, God doesn’t want this for us. Confusion and stress is not His game. He blessed me so abundantly, feeling this way just squashes all that. I just keep saying “His grace is sufficient for me”.
I kept my friends kids last week and that was the cherry on the cake. They are good kids, it’s just not what I’m used to, they’re not used to me, and they don’t know the stop and go areas and things of my house and life. I’m not going to lie, it wore me out. And it discouraged me. I want babies more than anything in the world. I always have. I always said that the reason things didn’t work out with college and jobs and why I don’t have a career is because I was meant to be a mom. That’s the job I want. But keeping those kiddos made me question that. I just felt like I didn’t handle it as well as I could have I guess. I didn’t have games for them to play and crafts to do. And at the end of the day, my house was messy and I didn’t get anything done that day, but I’ve talked to several momma’s and that’s what it’s all about. Crazy busy and you do what you can and let the rest go. At the end of the day, the lives God gave you matter more than the dishes that aren’t clean or the beds that need made.
I can’t wait to start that next stage of life with babies. My heart aches for them. I want my schedule and my house flipped upside down. I want the crazy. I want sleepless nights, cuddles, messy clothes, and full hearts. I know God is working all that out, I’m going to keep trusting Him and try to get out of His way while He unfolds His plan for my life.