Archives for October 2016

Be Weak

God puts so many things on my heart.

I have to weed through it all to find what I should and shouldn’t blog about.

What’s just for me and what’s for anyone.

I’ve been studying on infertility/barrenness in the Bible.

Ya know- Rachel, Sarah, Hannah, etc.?

God really took care of all the battles of life in the Bible.

There’s no situation that you can’t find help for there.

I started praying for my mental state about babies.

I told you in this post about how I had lost my excitement for everything baby related.

I did.

I mouthed the words but there was no feeling behind it.

That made me more sad than not having a baby.

I felt hopeless, insecure, and lonely.

I had gone through the stages of infertility with the want, the begging, the bargaining- or wait, are those the stages of grief?

Regardless, I felt them all, then they all went away and I didn’t feel anything towards it.

But guess what- prayer can change that.

I started praying that God would renew my heart.

And slowly but surely, it’s coming back.

I feel excited to decorate and buy baby things.

{Please tell me someone else wants to decorate a nursery before they’re even pregnant}

I’m excited to give up sleep, time, and money for a mini husband (let’s face it, girl or boy, it’ll still be just like my hubs).

Bear with me on this one, I’m not crazy, but I’m excited that ideally, I need to lose 100 lbs.

Sure, I could lose 25 and that might do the trick, but to be my healthiest self, 100 is the goal.

Go big or go home, right?

That sounds absurd.

But it’s exciting to me.

Don’t get it confused, I’m still not motivated to change, that’s coming, but the thought of the weakness in the statement ‘I need to lose about 100 pounds’ is exciting.

Y’all know that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness right?

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I want to be so weak so I can see how strong He is.

I love it.

There’s this unspoken competition of strength among people.

I like to be thought of as strong by others.

But lately, I’ve been reveling in how weak I am.

Even on a good day, I’m nowhere near ‘God good’.

And I love it.

I really feel like my full testimony isn’t complete yet.

God’ still working it out.

It’s going to include a baby.

I believe that with all my heart.

I love telling how wretched I am and how full of grace God is.

But I can’t wait until that story includes a baby!!

If you would like an extra heart praying for your future baby please email, instagram, fb me.

I would love to pray for you and when you deliver a miracle- I’ll move you over to the praise side and you’ll be an encouragement to others.

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Buffet Boo-Boo

So, not long ago, I posted about re-vamping my upstairs bathroom in our last house on the cheap.

(which mostly means paint did the work).

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Well, when I did that breathtaking (literally) job, I also had a fan running just outside the door so it would dry quicker.

Maybe I should have set it inside the bathroom and shut the door, but I started getting woos-y when I was spraying and the air helped.

But it didn’t help the buffet on the other side of the fan.

It is my grandmothers and is close to 80 years old from what I can figure.

It had a nice layer of white paint on it when I was finished.

The original stain on the piece is like a dark walnut I’d say.

My mom googled how to get the paint off.

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Lots of articles said to use denatured alcohol, a razor blade and a rag.

I would suggest having a wet rag (with regular tap water) and some lemon oil on hand too.

I started just dabbing on the denatured alcohol and it did help that way, but I felt like I was getting nowhere fast so I started dribbling little bits of it on and scraping lightly with a razor blade.

That did help more, but it also dried out the wood so fast that it left white areas.

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The razor blade scraped it without nicking the wood, but it also took the clear finish off the wood.

#0000 steel wool took the white areas out and some lemon oil coated on several times brought some life back to the wood.

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I could stand to put a coat of polyurethane on the top just to seal it up but I was so glad that that white spray paint came out!

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Backstory on Infertility

My goal all year has been simplicity, not complete overhaul.
Soooo, let’s dive right in then, shall we?

I have PCOS. (Very mildly, but doctors say that’s still what it is)

You can read about my latest doctor visit here.

I originally wrote this post about a year ago, so the link above to the other post is a much more recent post about the medical and spiritual side of what’s going on.

Oh, you’ve never heard of it? Like the dozens of people that don’t know what that is when I explain why I haven’t had a baby yet?
Ok, check it out:

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Now. This just makes things more difficult, not impossible. I have a great big God that can do anything, so it’s all about trusting Him and His timing really. At this point, I’ve been seeing my OB/GYN for this particular problem, aside from the usual yearly visit, for 2 years. He’s not doing the job. He is uninterested. He’s too busy delivering babies of women that got pregnant easily. Nothing against them, but he’s just not effective for me. He sent me to an endocronologist, who was very nice, but also ineffective.

Let me be clear, part of this is me. I do need to lose some weight, I’m sure that’s part of it, but I need information. I don’t know if I’m ovulating, if I actually have the cysts on my ovaries or if I just have some of the other symptoms (acne, hard to lose weight, and extremely irregular periods), or if I have developed any other issues because nothing is being monitored. At one time, I had a transvaginal ultrasound. That sounds like a party, huh?! It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. Anyway, it showed that I had ‘broken shells in there’ but otherwise completely normal. Oh, ok, thanks, I’ll take care of that, right? I mean really, I’m not a doctor, nurse, or radiologist- what the crap does that mean? Shells meaning broken eggs or shells of broken cysts? How long have they been in there? Does that mean I’m ovulating?

There were so many questions that went with that but I was too young and dumb to know what to ask or what steps to go through next. Now, 8 years later, I have lots of questions and no one willing to check it out.

Regardless, I’m not whining, I’m just telling you that if you’re in this situation, it doesn’t have to stay this way. One of my missions for 2016 is to find a new doctor who can/wants to help. One who will do ultrasounds and lab work and what they can to help. Also, if you have irregular periods or other ‘female issues’ like myself (I might have one per year naturally), make it apparent to your gynecologist that you have this issue. They can give you medication to induce a period which you should be having at least once every three months to prevent problems down the line like cervical cancer. (Note- please take this according to the directions, the side effects are ugly if you take it longer than directed)

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There have been good things that have come out of all this, as there always is with God’s plan.

I continue to be able to spend quality time with my husband. Every day builds on our promise to one another and we’ve needed it. Last year, he was saved and I was reaffirmed in my faith. As wonderful as all that is, it comes with its fair share of battles- the devil will weasel in there any way he can, especially right after a soul has been saved. We have taken trips, taken classes and taken each other back to how things were in the beginning. We were sidetracked for a while. We enjoy each other again. Is your husband your best friend? I can say honestly and without hesitation that mine is. He is the single most caring, good-hearted, hard working, thoughtful person I’ve ever known. He tries so hard for me and I never want to take that for granted. He cheers on my dreams and comforts my insecurities. I’m crying just typing this.

I have to tell you something I’m not proud of now- I’m selfish. I wasn’t always. I have always been spoiled, but not selfish. I don’t try as hard as I should all the time, I give up easily when things don’t go my way, I get upset when I’m not babied. Friends, this makes me angry with myself. Selfishness has no place in parenting. I’m selfish with sleep, selfish with food, selfish with time. So, I’m working on and praying that I can give more of myself until eventually there’s no thought of ‘me’ in there anywhere.

The last thing I need to work on is getting my excitement back for parenthood. I’ve lost it. Years of not conceiving has made me cynical and discouraged. Lack of excitement = lack of faith and trust in God’s plan. Would you entrust a baby to someone who showed those qualities? I wouldn’t and I can’t expect God to.

untitled-designI hope you reading this, never have this problem, but if you do, this rose beside my patio is for us and know that you’re not alone! I’m on your side and the Lord is at bat for ya!

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God, Infertility and Fasting

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I gotta tell y’all.

God is so good.

Do you know Jesus?

He really is the bomb-dot-com.

He loves me.

Wretched, dirty, selfish me.

Did you know that He loves you too?

He not only loves you for all the good in you, but He loves all the bad in you too.

He died for all the bad in us.

So, a few weeks ago was our churchs’ youth camp.

A week long in the blazing heat of July.

I wasn’t there the whole week so kudos to the ones that were!

During one of the morning services- our preacher told a story.

At one point, years ago, he was at a crossroads job-wise.

He felt that he’d taken one church as far as he could spiritually so he was trying to decide whether to leave that church or not.

He had prayed and prayed. 

If you’ve ever been to church then you’ve heard that ” the answers are in the Bible”.

So, he said (paraphrased)  “God, if that’s how it is, then if I flip this Bible open, the answer will be there”.

So, he flipped it open, and I can’t remember which scripture he quote, but it basically said that you can’t stay here, you have to go.

There it was.

Answer.

Check.

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God is so good.

So. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for the better part of two years- we’ll get more into that in this post.

I went to my OB/GYN and she ordered a transvaginal ultrasound (oh, fun!) and bloodwork.

I had read the order for labs several times and saw nothing about fasting.

So, the morning these tests were scheduled I was reading my Bible.

I had read the section I was studying for that morning.

Then a thought about Preacher’s story of Bible answers came to mind.

Funny how it does that.

I prayed “God, if you want me to do something in particular for this baby “journey”, then you’ll show me in Your Word”.

I flipped it open and it was on Matthew 6.

I have a study Bible and my finger was in the middle of two sections.

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So on the left was the Lord’s Prayer and the right was a section teaching on fasting.

I’m not saying I did it correctly.

My idea of fasting is nothing to eat but water to drink.

I suppose some don’t have anything, even water.

So I read Matthew verses 10-18.

Such a good place.

God is so good.

So, I said if that’s what you want God, that’s what I’ll do.

Obey, ya know.

So, other than the coffee I had before I read that, I didn’t have anything except water all day.

Well, that was at 8 am so until 8 am the next morning I didn’t have any food.

I had other things to do that day.

So I prayed, “God, if this is what you want, then I’m going to need some help with it”.

I did my few house things and got ready for the day and headed out.

Walmart, Lowe’s, a stop at my mamma’s, then on to the ultrasound appointment and labwork.

I stopped by the lab first, but they were busy and while I waited, the ultrasound tech came out to get me.

So I went there first.

When I came out from that the lab was ready for me.

Buuuttttt…

The tech came out and said “this test requires you to fast, since it’s 3pm, you probably haven’t done that, right?”.

I laughed.

Good one God.

“I did,” I said.

Surprised, she took me in and drew the blood needed.

Have I mentioned that God is so good?

I can’t even fathom it.

It was like He was sitting right there with me.

It was just like He was saying I see what you’re doing, keep going.

After, my stomach growled.

Food.

But wait.

I committed to this with God before He showed Himself so plainly to me.

Eating after these tests wasn’t the agreement.

So I kept it.

God made it so easy.

I did get hungry a few times but it wasn’t unbearable, I didn’t get the shakes, and I wasn’t a bear to be around.

I’m sure you were hoping I’d say I’m now pregnant, but I’m still waiting.

That was only one day. Maybe I need to fast longer or with more specific things, who knows.

God will show me and I will wait.

I’m still sooo thankful for that experience.

Have you had God make Himself so obvious to you?

I’d love to hear about it!

You can share on FB, Insta, or Email!

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Outdoor Living

Yay for outdoor living areas!

When we bought this house I fell in love with the sunken patio in the back corner.

It needed power washed but other than that, I just needed to add stuff.

Stuff is my specialty.

And Pinterest is a plethora of ideas.

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Not bad, but needed some goodies.

And After

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I love to swing so that was a must.

The patio set was left at my mom’s house when she bought it.

So, I got to work.

I painted the patio set and bought lots of cushions.

I redressed the swing- the old cushions and canopy were icky.

I put up lights.

This is the best place for morning Bible reading with coffee or evening ball games with snacks.

So versatile and so beneficial.

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